I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
