I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
