I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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