i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
