you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
