My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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