Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
