The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
