He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
