i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
