This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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