dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
