I think i peed on brittanys purse
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize