if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
