'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
