dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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