Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
