I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
