If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
