i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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