I'm so fucking centered right now
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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