ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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