I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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