I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
