fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
