Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
