I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize