My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
