Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
