I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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