I just made out with a guy for $7.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
