You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
