i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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