What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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