guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
