he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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