just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
