so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
