What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
