My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
