I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
