You're a womanizer and a bitch.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
