he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
