I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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