He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
