she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
