all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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