U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
