I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
