My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
