you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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