never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
