quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
