Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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