He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
