Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
