So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
