sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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