Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
