the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
