I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
