can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
