chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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